When someone attacks you through the window of their computer or phone and has a real go at you for no apparent reason it really has an impact on your mindset. It is easy to be a cyber bully because no one can see you and you can even use a fake name to attack someone. You can instantly feel better about yourself from the pleasure you got from hurting someone. You can easily deny it was you because “that’s not my name”, “I’m not that kind of person”, you can pretend to be someone else to the world but the reality is that you prey on the insecurities of your victim and you get real joy out of saying every mean thing you can think of to them without any consequence.
But there is a consequence
The consequence is how it effects the mental health of the person you are attacking. You don’t know how they might already be feeling when your venoumous words spread through the persons body like an ever consuming poison. You don’t know they might already be at breaking point when your words took that brokenness and pushed it over the edge. You don’t know how the darkness can overcome all the light in that persons life. The truth is you don’t know what real harm your words can do.
I have over the last year experienced this myself. In February last year in my Facebook messenger was a message request that abused me for keeping in touch with my exs brothers, for calling them my brothers, for being so pathetic that I have broken relationships, how ugly a person I am, all the things that are wrong with me, how I have no life and nothing better to do then bother my exs family it went on and on. I blocked this person and was really upset as to where they got many of their inaccurate information from. Yes I had my exs brothers on my Facebook but only ever wished them happy birthday and they did the same and no one thought anymore of it. We had many mutual friends and as far as I knew it wasn’t an issue with anyone. If I was pathetic for keeping in touch with them, they were rightly just as “pathetic” for keeping in touch with me. I messaged them and apologised if I caused any drama in their family and thought that was the end of that. I was really hurt and upset because I hadn’t done anything to cop that much abuse from anyone specially someone I had never met or heard of and I certainly hadn’t done anything wrong. Also my exs relationship was over 9 years ago at the time of the abuse. So why now? Why all the rage? I failed to understand and eventually forgot about it.
Then last year in July I got more messages from a fake name saying how ugly I was. Again I was really hurt and didn’t understand who this person was and why they were targeting me. I felt really insecure and hurt that someone I don’t know would go through the trouble to make a fake profile and contact me. At this point I didn’t know that both these incidents were related.
Last night I got another message from a different name saying how ugly I was and it used the same words that the message in July to insult me, that’s what made me realise it’s the same person. They also pointed out that I was an ugly Fijian and why anyone would want to be married to me because of how ugly I was. This was really hurtful. I was already not feeling great about myself over the last few months and this really brought me back down. It hit me hard, it repeated in my head. Sadly it has been the same person who has been responsible for all of these messages.
What does the bully gain?
That is what I asked myself. Why after so long when I have long forgotten about these people and my relationship with them and moved forward with my life, why am I being harassed about it? What is this person getting from going through the trouble to create fake profiles just to message me abuse? Does it make them feel better in their relationship or about their appearance and insecurities? The bully here is suffering some sort of issue which is affecting their mindset and causing them some aggrevation and they need to project it onto someone to feel better? Well that is how I feel. They are the one suffering a mental illness that needs to be addressed before it becomes something even more dangerous.
So who needs the real help?
Well I do feel really hurt but the bully is obviously also experiencing something to have that sort of an outrage to someone they don’t even know. They must be suffering their own insecurities. I’m not trying to validate what this person has done because I am very hurt by it. I am just trying to understand what they have to gain. The issue here is one of mental illness for the the victim and bully. Does the bully even know they need help and support? I would say in most cases the answer is no. I will talk to my family and friends and get other support for how I am feeling. I will use this blog as an outlet and start to forget and feel better and if it continues I will get the police involved. But the bully is doing this secretly under the disguise of someone else, how will they get help? Even if someone confronts them they will deny it was them. What if the problem keeps festering inside and it goes beyond cyber bullying? Can something be done to treat this bully today so it doesn’t ruin their own or anyone else’s future? Does the bully have the potential to go over the edge and do something to harm others? There might be potential.
Maybe I am being extreme but you never know what is going on in the mind of another person and what it can take to push that person beyond breaking point. For both the victim and the bully. If we treated our bully’s there might be a lot less victims? It really makes me wonder.