I made a decision that I don’t want to feel the way I have been lately and needed to do something to break out of this low mood and lack of motivation with life.
I thought about what things I can start doing now to help me change my state of mind. To reenergise me and start making me feel positive and alive. Doing things that will help me feel like I’m a doing something meaningful. I decided to go back to some old things that I enjoyed doing with my family such as doing outdoor activities. So every weekend my husband and I are going to do just that. Last Saturday we packed a picnic and took ourselves and our puppy to the beach.
We spent the whole day playing with our puppy, relaxing, soaking in some sun and I felt really great at the end of the day. But the next morning I had the same lack of motivation. So I have to keep this up and hopefully how I feel will improve in time.
I also decided to try some new things and with the help of some friends and family have the current list of things I’m going to start doing.
1. Learn a language
2. Learn to dance
3. Learn to play guitar
4. Write a book about my cat
5. Learn a martial art
6. Join a social club
7. Be comfortable in my own skin – I had already started this one from the beginning of the year, more on this later.
8. Try surfing
9. Visit new places in Australia
10. Do a counselling course and volunteer at lifeline
The plan is to add more to this list but this is what I have for now. Here is hoping for feeling better and learning some new skills.
Lately I find myself wondering around just getting by in life. Doing the same things day in day out, working a job that is totally rubbish, with a not so great manager who has no clue how to manage people or be innovative. I moved away from my family four and half years ago and spend a lot of my time by myself. The last year has taken its toll on me and I feel I’m at a point where I can’t see why I should keep being positive. My job is pretty isolating I’m either seeing clients or working from home with the supervision of my cat Romeo. The job gives me no mental stimulation and I have been doing it for the last year. I can’t complain, I get paid pretty well, have a work car and a car space in the city and barely do any hard work. But I am complaining!
Why? Because it’s not enough for me to just get by doing nothing with myself and not achieving anything. I feel like I have wasted a year and a half of my life. I feel like my life has no purpose and I’m just wasting away.
Lately I have been really negative, I am hardly able to even get out of bed because I don’t see the point or purpose in getting up. What am I going to do with my day? Nothing is the answer. How it became like this sneaked up on me without even realising, funny how that happens isn’t it. Before I knew it I was sitting there crying to my husband at what little purpose my life has, how I only interact with someone else maybe 3 hours a day. How I have achieved nothing in my life. How I don’t know how to make it better, how I can not get out of bed each morning. I just can’t see how I can get out of this.
I tell myself maybe I am becoming depressed as a result of always having to fight for things this far in my life. Maybe my fight is all gone? But surely there is more to life then just working, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, going on holiday once a year? Surely this can’t be it? Can it? I’m sure I am here for a greater purpose? Or maybe I’m not!! What have I become? Who do I want to even be? The answer is that I don’t know. But what I do know is this can’t be it. There has to be more.