Like most people I know I am pretty paranoid and concious of my appearance. When I talk to people about having low self esteem and feeling bad about how I look, people are mostly in disbelief. They can’t seem to comprehend why I would feel bad about my appearance. My problem comes down to always having to hide or cover up my skin because 80% of my body used to be covered in scales. I would often get asked if I burned myself, or what was wrong with my skin, or just get strange looks. I guess like most people with Psoriasis I started dressing to hide my skin.
My skin now has been mostly clear for about 6 years thanks to biologics and a strict diet. But my skin is still covered in scars left behind from my psoriasis. I still get asked what is wrong with my skin or why I have spots. I have also been unfortunate enough in past relationship to be told how ugly I looked because of my scars and that I was lucky to be with that person because no one else would want to be with someone so ugly and covered in scars. Needless to say that was a bad relationship and I left that a long time ago.
I spend a great deal of my energy, money, and time on how I present myself everyday. I feel that I have to make extra effort with my clothes, my hair, skin, nails so people will not notice the things that are wrong with me. I rarely wear clothes that show my legs or arms. I still cover up where I can. I feel paranoid if I’m in swimmers because there is no other option but to show my skin. But it’s not just my skin. I often look in magazines, or movies and media in general and think everyone looks so perfect. The intelligent woman in my head tells me it’s airbrushing, lighting, make up and hair but the self concious woman in me tells me that I look like rubbish compared to all the beautiful women out there with amazing bodies.
In the past I have tried very hard to keep up my exercise, my diet however is pretty strict. But no matter how hard I work at the gym I get exhausted and have to stop, or I aggravate my knee joints and have to stop. This stop-start gets me nowhere. I have seen rehabilitation trainers whom I hoped would help me achieve my goals. I have seen a nutritionist and really worked on my gut health to help increase my energy levels. But everything I try I fail at because I become fatigued and have to stop.
So what is so different this time?
I am going to combine everything I have learned about psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, diet and exercise, how my body has been responding and what suits my body to challenge myself to get the body that I want. I know this won’t address my scar issues or necessarily boost my self esteem. But I want to give it 110% and hope that with the change in diet and exercise that firstly I feel like I have more energy and have the ability to get up in the mornings. I hope to feel more motivated about exercise, and I hope to change my attitude towards myself and start loving myself and my skin more. I hope to gain strength to support my joints and become stronger. I hope that when I look in the mirror I see a person who smiles back at me and is proud of achieving her health and fitness goals.
I will be sharing my experience good and bad weekly with my progress in the hope that I can inspire others to get fit and healthy. I have consulted my doctor before starting the exercise so if you wish to do the same please make sure that this is okay for you.